I'm a big believer in Seasons of Life. You know, giving yourself time to enjoy one season at a time before hurrying the next along. Sometimes, these seasons have names, such as the Season of College, or the Season of Newlyweddedness. (Sometimes they have made-up names, but that's okay....) And sometimes the seasons aren't called anything. Sometimes they sneak up so smoothly that you don't realize you've walked through them till they're done.
That's how I feel about this summer. These warm summer months of quiet moments at home have been some of the most therapeutic of my life. This season has seen me so sad I thought no one could ever understand. It's seen me cry and worship and pour out my broken heart while sitting at the computer listening to "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle on repeat for hours on end. This season has brought about intense study and reflection and progress through a book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. In this season, I've shared my heart with my husband and a select few of my close friends regarding the loss I've suffered this year. Throughout all of this season, God has been doing a work on me....and it always starts with a quiet moment.
I've been hesitant to document some of the processes of grieving a loss for the whole world (ie a handful of 'blog followers') to see. Something about this method of sharing deepness makes me a bit uncomfortable. However, it is quiet today. No noise. No bustle. No nothing.
And it feels good to share.
I thank my God for this hard and rocky season, because it is shaping me into someone I never thought I'd be. He is showing me through the darkest moments how His peace can carry me and soothe my heart and my very busy mind.
I just finished reading a book called "Peace Like a River" by Leif Enger. The story isn't as important to me as is the title. While the tale is quite good and moving and I highly recommend, the title has stuck in my brain. Peace like a RIVER. Not like a still, calm pond that never moves, rushes or roars. Not like a soft rain that gently falls and then stops. True peace, God's peace, the 'peace that passes all understanding' is like a swift, pulsing, pushing river that never stops moving you, never stops challenging you, never stops, never stops.
True peace is found only when the river is crashing all around, and you still know God is there.
This season of quiet summer has been just what I needed.