It's Actually Firm.

A conversation with my husband last night:

Husband: "Your belly is looking more round today."

Me: "Thank you?"

Husband: "Lemme feel." (Palms my rounded belly). "Oh man, it's actually firm. Weird."

Me: "Excuse me? Weird?"

Husband (realizing the inevitable hole he has begun to dig): "No, I mean, like, I thought it would be, you know, kinda....jiggly."

Me: (raised eyebrows)

Husband (falling quickly into said hole, shovel in hand): "No no no, I meant, well, I guess I didn't know it would be as hard. I thought, you know, since it is getting big that it would be squishy or something...."

Me: "What do you mean, squishy? Did you think I was just getting a little pudgier out front?"

Husband (searching in vain for a ladder from the depths of the hole): "Uhhh, I just thought that....oh crap..........I love you."

Me (one eyebrow cocked in mock perturbation): "Careful, mister. This rounded mass of firm pudge is half your doing, you know."

Husband (slowly removing hand from firm pudge mound): "Um, you're pretty."

Oh husbands, so funny to watch them dig their own hole! He is a good one, so I'll keep him. But...next time, maybe don't be shocked that my expanding gut is not made up entirely of fat.

;)

16 Weeks!

Orange.

Orange is one of my least favorite colors. It has nothing to do with any schools this color represents, but more that I just don't feel that it is a "peaceful" color. No offense to anyone whose favorite color happens to be orange. I just tend to lean more towards pale blues and whites and browns and such.

However, my home is decked out in sprinkles of orange as of a few days ago.

Which means....fall is here.

I made a promise to myself that I would decorate the house for fall this year. It seems this season usually passes me by, and, while I enjoy its weather, smells and holidays, I never seem to jump on the decorating train.

Not this year. This year, I went to the local Hobby Lobby and stocked up on fall flowers, fake pumpkins and gourds, fall candles, berry wreaths, etc. It is officially fall in my house!

Things I love about the fall:

-Candles that smell of apples, spices and cider

-Friday night high school football games with friends and crazed students

-Jeans, flip flops, hoodies and fleeces

-The grass starts to die off (i.e. less mowing for yours truly)

-Fall Break from school, and this year, I am traveling to NYC for the fourth time with my mom and sister!

-The change of the seasons, especially the turning leaves...but also the chance to start something new. A new season means a previous season has ended, and I think that is refreshing sometimes.

-Skinny jeans with boots. I WILL make this trend happen for myself this fall (missed it last year), knocked up or not.

-The indulgence of dark, deep nail polish colors

-Hoping to like the Pumpkin Spice latte from Starbucks, not liking it, but still liking the name so much that I'm continually tempted to order it just because.

-Plug-in air fresheners that smell like pumpkins and spices

-The many blog posts about the season of fall. ;)

And, just for kicks, here I am 15 weeks preggo prior to the fall decor that was vomited onto my mantle.

I am really trying to be good about taking pictures of the growing belly, although I'm not seeing much difference week to week. Maybe all of a sudden I will notice something, but, for now, it simply looks like a muffin top. But I love what is growing INSIDE of my little muffin top quite a lot. ;)

Happy Fall, all!

I Judged This Book by the Cover. Oops.

Within the first week we knew I was pregnant, my husband and I went a little crazy thinking that we needed to "hurry up and be perfect Christians before we became parents." Yeah. Crazy. So obviously that meant we needed to rush to the local Christian book store and stock up on every lame, cheesy, corny parents-to-be book, Bible study and/or couples devotional available. We spent some serious cash on these books...and then, the nausea hit. Because I didn't feel like myself, nor did I feel very good at all, I didn't want to read those dang books. The ladies on the covers gently caressing their bulging belly made me mad. Didn't they ever get sick? Didn't they ever freak the crap out about being pregnant? Didn't they wonder what in the world God was thinking putting them in charge of a little life?????

And then last week....I actually opened one of those books. I found myself reading page after page, starting to cry, and realizing that God had led me to that book on purpose.

It is called Birthed In Prayer and is written by three average moms. (I'll admit, the title and the lame cover turned me off at first...but it is so good). This book really spoke to me as it discussed some of the REAL things women may experience at the beginning of pregnancy. It sounded like I had written it myself!

The women discussed how God never asked us to be completely confident in ourselves, but that we put our trust in Him and His plan. Good thing, because how in the world are first time moms supposed to know what in the heck they are doing!??! The book showed examples of ridiculous myths of pregnancy, including the one that your pregnancy is either complete heaven or complete hell. I loved this section, because I'm feeling a little of both. It has NOT been all sunshine and roses and oogely-schmoogely feelings of complete bliss. But it hasn't been all bad, either. In fact, the further along I get, I find myself becoming more and more excited about what's at the end of all of this: my baby.

Another section that really spoke to me was about how it is okay to let yourself sort of grieve the loss of your life before baby. It is okay to feel a little sad and scared and worried about some of the changes that are coming your way, both physical and practical. I found myself crying during this section of the book, because I've felt secretly guilty for feeling anything except oogely-schmoogely bliss. I've been scared. I have felt so overwhelmed and alone. I questioned my decision and my capabilities. I wondered if I'd gone insane to completely throw my life into chaos with a new child. And, as the book showed, THIS IS ALL NORMAL AND OKAY TO FEEL. It was like someone was finally validating how I'd secretly felt for the first trimester. I'm learning that there exists so much pressure from family to perfect strangers when a woman gets pregnant, and it has really overwhelmed me. I guess I just needed one of those cheesy Christian baby books to tell me that it was okay to be scared. Made it okay in my mind, for some reason.

I have a few people close to me with whom I truly feel free to share my secret feelings and worries, and it was an added blessing to find a Bible study that produced soothing scriptures that validated my fears while reminding me Who is holding me, holding my baby, holding my life.

I still hate the cover and title of this book...but each night as I read a little bit more, I find myself wiping tears of relief and joy.

Oh Baby...!

Because the last 13 weeks have been overwhelming to say the least, I shall condense the details and some thoughts into a nice, neat, bulleted list. I love lists.

*I'm almost 14 weeks along in the pregnancy, and my pants hardly zip anymore. Praise the Lord for elastic waist bands and maxi dresses.

*The nausea seems to be waning, and I feel like I am not actually allowed to complain about the small amount of sickness I went through. You see, I never threw up during the morning sickness, but I felt like I was on a rocking ship most of the day. When some people heard I didn't actually throw up, I got the token eye-roll and an "Oh, you should hear what I went through..." So, I guess I had it easy...? Didn't feel easy.

*We tried for two months to get pregnant, and I was totally prepared in my mind for it to take a year or so. When we found out, I almost didn't believe it. I felt like I hadn't paid my dues yet, you know, with the waiting, etc. It took awhile to sink in.

*The husband is over the moon. Oh man. It is so sweet to see him. I love him.

*I am almost over the moon. It is hard sometimes to get excited about something that simultaneously makes you feel like crap, zaps all your energy, causes your entire life to change, etc. BUT. Each time I see my belly profile in the mirror or a new ultrasound picture or a sweet comment from a friend...I get excited, more and more. It puts me in a vulnerable position to share how I really feel about all of this, because some people are INSTANTLY excited when they find out they are pregnant, making me feel like I'm not as good of a mom-to-be. Some people have had to overcome HUGE obstacles to get pregnant, making me seem like an ingrate. But it's how I feel. Scared, worried, anxious...but getting excited, getting ready, looking ahead, falling in love.

*Had to see a specialist to rule out spina bifida since my mom lost a baby to that illness a long time ago. The tests came out great, and I felt like I could let out a huge breath I'd been holding for weeks. I'd known this test was coming, and it was like I wasn't letting myself get too excited before we found out the results. Not that they would have changed any of our plans, but, you know. Scary stuff. Praise God for the positive results.

*I burp a lot now.

*My fingernails seem to be made of steel and grow like crazy.

*The pregnancy books annoy me. I have a bunch, but the lame pictures on the front and some of the goofy phrasing bugs me. Any suggestions on "modern" or less-lame-o pregnancy books? Maybe it's just me. ;)

*Maternity clothes shopping was not what I thought it would be. It is ALWAYS fun to get new clothes, mind you, but trying them on when you barely have a belly makes everything seem HUGE! I mean, the belly is out there enough to where my regular clothes don't fit, but these maternity clothes don't seem to either. Hmm. I have a Bella Band, and it works okay. I guess this is the "in between phase" I'd heard about.

*Wearing the fake belly in Motherhood Maternity is hilarious! Please tell me my belly will not be in the shape of a square--ha!

*I am learning how to be patient with well-intended unsolicited advice. Now listen here, I am not cocky enough to believe that I don't need advice...but I am very good about asking for help when needed. I can't tell you how many comments, suggestions, tips and warnings I've received from sources less than reliable. I love the sharing of stories...but when my vulnerably-shared ideas or dreams or hopes or anxieties are met with an eye roll and a correction...I'm done listening! ;)

*We can't wait to find out the sex of the baby. I'm a planner, and this is the start of the plans!

*I find myself so very in love with the father of this baby that I can't imagine doing this with anyone else.

*The father is Russell, just to be clear.

;)