25 Weeks-A Letter.

Dear Baby Girl,

I am shamelessly copying the idea of writing you letters from a few friends of mine, but it is such a good way to document what is going on in your world before you officially enter the world. I want to remember how I was feeling and what was happening during this stage of your life....so, copy I will!

You may have noticed that you do not yet have a name. Baby, this process is hard! Naming you is one of the biggest decisions your dad and I will ever make, and we want it to be just right for you. We'll keep you posted on our progress. ;)

These days, you are rolling around and dancing and kicking so much that I can see little glimpses of your movement through my shirt! It is quite distracting in church and while I'm trying to teach, but any time I feel you really get to squirming in there, I quickly shift my focus to my belly to watch for glimpses of you. Your kicks don't hurt...yet, and you seem to have fallen into somewhat of a routine with your movements: after breakfast, lunch and dinner; as I'm driving in the car; sitting on the couch in the evenings; when I lay down to go to bed. I so look forward to our little moments together. Your dad has felt you move around quite a bit lately, and he recently caught a glimpse of you poking around in my belly when my shirt started shifting! He teared up a bit feeling and watching you. Baby Girl, you have an amazing dad.

Speaking of your dad, he surprised us recently by secretly assembling your crib so that when I arrived home from work, it was up and ready to go! Let me tell 'ya, that made things seem very real. To see where you will spend your naps and nighttimes was wonderful. Your dad also worked very hard on your nursery over the past few weeks. He installed bead board wainscoting, painted the walls, put together your dresser/changing table, installed light fixtures, and he and his Dad built you some custom bookshelves to store all kinds of your little things when you arrive.

He loves a project, and he has been so helpful to me during all of this. Like I said, you have a wonderful father already, Baby.

Your lovely baby bedding is another project that my mom and I have undertaken. We are chopping to pieces a king-size comforter in aqua/green satin tones, and we'll be making a baby blanket, crib bumper and rocking chair pillow out of all that yummy fabric. (I loved the color of this comforter so much, and, since we no longer use it for our bed, you get to use it!). The theme is patchwork birds, and we're taking inspiration from some sweet bird pictures I found in New York this year while shopping with my mom and sister. We've got all kinds of tricks up our sleeves, and you will have a gorgeous (yet budget-friendly!) nursery when we're all said and done. I love my mom for helping with her daughter's daughter's room...surreal and wonderful.

As far as your Mommy goes, I am feeling just fine these days. You and I have passed the nausea stage, and I actually feel pretty much like myself...except, of course, for the bulging belly, voracious appetite and need for naps. Carrying you around with me has made my body do some crazy things, but, as it all levels out during this second trimester, I understand what women meant when they described pregnancy as one of the most beautiful and amazing experiences of their lives. They didn't mean they felt or acted or looked amazing and beautiful all the time. They were talking about the unbelievable gift of carrying and caring for another life right inside their bellies. You are that amazing gift to us, Baby Girl, and as each week passes (so quickly!), we look forward to meeting you more and more. We just celebrated Thanksgiving, and you were on my mind so much during this holiday.

You are loved. So so much.

Love,

Mom.

PS-Now THAT was neat to write! Mom. I'm a mom. Wow.

(24 weeks)

I Am George Costanza.

Over the past 4-5 weeks, I have been able to feel the baby moving around so much morning, noon and night. Recently, her movements have become large enough to even see through my shirt. My belly will suddenly ripple and quake, and it is quite distracting to say the least. Distracting, yet amazing.

Well, yesterday I hardly felt her at all. Like, back to the days of movements so faint that I didn't know if it was the baby or just a gas bubble. She went from giant movements for weeks and weeks to nothing in one day. Not to mention that I had felt a brief yet sharp pain early in the morning yesterday...followed by barely any flutters of movement.

Needless to say, I was worried. So worried, in fact, that I laid awake almost all night just willing her to give me one good kick in the bladder for old times' sake.

Nothing.

So this morning, after a frantic call to my mom and a trusted friend, I called my doctor's office when it opened. I had debated calling, because I don't want to become overprotective and crazed and worried and psycho-overreacting-pregnant-lady. However, my mom, husband and pal all reminded me that a.) it is never wrong to ask a question, b.) it is better to be sure than lose any more sleep over it, and c.) we are paying a doctor to help us through this, after all. Good points! So, I called.

I was instructed to immediately chug a large, sugary drink and then lay on my left side for an hour while keeping a count of any movements, large or small.

Hmm. Yeah, I teach school. With a room full of students. All day. I was perplexed to say the least.

So, in the end, I let my 4th hour go to lunch a little early, chugged a DP, locked my classroom door (after taping paper over my door's window), and curled up under my desk. I laid there for 45 minutes (that's as long as I could manage to keep students away) all the while buzzing from chugging so much caffeine, counting any little flutter or kick on a pad of paper. After a few torturous minutes, she began to move. Faintly. I marked a few tallies on the pad. Then, after a few more minutes passed, I felt a giant somersault followed by some pretty impressive kicks.

And I began to cry. So hard. I was so very glad to feel her once again, strong and active.

I called the doctor to report the 'kick-count,' and she said all was fine. Baby just needed a rest day apparently, and to always call if I have any concerns. I hung up the phone, relieved...and cried a little more.....

Then...I started to laugh. Uncontrollably. If anyone could walk in and see me in that moment before on the floor, it would have been the most weird and embarrassing thing in the world! There I was, lying under my teacher's desk in the fetal position, buzzing from a giant DP, crying uncontrollably, scribbling random marks on a pad and voraciously rubbing my stomach! I am laughing now just picturing myself!

Later, my husband told me I was like George Costanza from "Seinfeld" who, apparently, took a nap under his desk at work, yadda yadda yadda. Never seen it, but it sure gave the husband a chuckle.

And, in case you were wondering, here is what the world looks like from under my desk at work...

Never thought I'd find myself curled into a ball under my desk, but I might just have to copy Mr. Costanza as it was a comfy place to spend my lunch hour...!

And praise the Lord everything is fine with Baby Girl. Yes, I probably overreacted...but I feel better for it in the end.

PS--She is kicking around so much as I type this story about her. Figures...! ;)

Kickin' It.

This baby girl is already sassy. At least that's what my husband says. For example, I will feel her roll around, do sumersaults, punch, kick and dance all the time...but it seems that the moment I grab the husband's hand and place it over my belly, she stops. Completely still. He's only felt her move around a few times over the past month, because I really think she is already messing with him. Just giving her dad a hard time already--she's a sassy girl after my own heart. Love it.

In other news, the nursery work has begun. My husband (with a little assistance from yours truly here and there) painted the nursery a pale aqua/green color. He had already installed white bead board wainscoting on the lower half of the wall, so he finished up his handy work with a couple coats of paint. While I realize that pink is the typical girl-room color, I just couldn't bring myself to paint four walls pink. I don't love pink. HOWEVER. We will be painting the inside of her closet a pink color called "Ballet Slippers" (aawwwww), and, since we've removed the closet doors and replaced them with curtains for a softer look, the inside of the closet will add a nice touch of pink to this girl room. We'll also paint the backs of some cabinets Ballet Slippers pink, and I'll throw in a few pale pink touches here and there, just to remind everyone that I do remember that I'm having a girl...even though pink might not be my wall color of choice! ;)

(22-23ish weeks)

Lastly, a lovely bulleted list of observations:

-My wedding rings are starting to get a bit snug.

-Naps are still essential.

-This week's offerings from students: Panera Bread breakfasts and cookies, pretzels and fruit.

-I secretly hope that my ankles will swell at least a little so that I can FINALLY justify using one of my favorite words: Cankles. The husband hates it when I jokingly refer to my ankles as such, BUT, if they were to swell even just a little, I could say 'cankles' whenever I so desired. It's a funny word.

-The belly-touching-by-random-people is in full swing these days. I'm trying my best not to bite.

-Bought a package of baby hangers. Cried. They are so small and sweet and teeny and...I'm hormonal.

-My belly button is officially flat. This is not a bad thing, as someone made the very true point that it is now easier to clean out belly button lint.

Gotta find the positives. ;)

Ode to My Literature Book.

(a practice sonnet written in class by a student)

It goes in my bag.
As big as a Chevy.
Makes my shoulders sag.
It is too heavy.

Big, fat and green.
I'd rather watch a movie.
It's easy to be seen,
And I'll admit--Beowulf was groovy.

I use it in 4th hour.
It's full of stories.
If it were candy, it would be sour.
Full of Shakespeare's glories.

I dropped it; the ground shook.
What is it? My literature book.



The kids were gearing up for Shakespeare's sonnets and plays, so I had them write a 'simple sonnet' for practice, meaning it didn't have to be very good at all--just had to follow the correct rhyme scheme. When this very serious and quiet kid stood up to read his poem to the class, I couldn't help but chuckle.

The next Shakespeare, perhaps?

Maybe not. But humorous nonetheless. :)

The View From Up Here.

Dedicated.

On Sunday, I watched as a group of my friends gathered with their families before the church body for Baby Dedication Service. At our church, this day is a symbol of the promise made by the parents and families to teach the babies the Word of the Lord, help the children walk in His steps, and for the parents and church body to do the best they can to bring up children of God.

I've seen many Baby Dedication Sundays, but I found myself getting emotional (blame it on the 'mones...hormones...) as I watched so many of my friends walk to the stage holding their precious little ones. I realized how far we've all traveled in our marriages, friendships, and families. It seems like time is flying by as I watched friends who now actually have little babies...when only yesterday, we were all sitting around joking and dreaming about the future. I realized that their "future" is now here. On stage with them.

And ours will be here soon.

It was a neat thing to watch my friends commit to raise their children for our Lord, and I can't wait to make that public commitment in a few months' time.

In One Month? Really?

So.

Went in for my OBGYN appointment today.

Stepped on the scale.

I've gained 10 pounds.

IN A MONTH.

Wow.

The nurse and doctor seemed quite relaxed about this as I began to hyperventilate. I could hear a very high pitched voice saying over and over, "Really? Is this normal? Is this healthy? How is this possible?" I later realized the voice was my own, and I was freaking out. REALLY? TEN POUNDS? IN A MONTH!?!?

As she showed me my chart, she explained that this is exactly what she'd hoped for. Apparently, I had not gained any weight during my first trimester and had actually lost a few pounds. By month 4 of my pregnancy, I had only gained 5 pounds total (not for lack of trying, mind you....I'm a girl who appreciates her chocolate frozen yogurt. YUM!). I guess I was just so consistently queasy for those first 3-4 months that I didn't eat much at all and ended up losing weight when I guess I should have been gaining a bit.

Anyway, she assured me that with this surge of weight gain (which, by the way, all happened during this past month of GLORIOUS appetite-return where food FINALLY sounds good once again!) now that I'm done with my 5th month, I am now back on track with my goal weight.

However....

She did say that we proooobably shouldn't have any more 10 lb. months in my future, otherwise I would far surpass my goal weight. Ha! I assured her that would NEVER happen again. I mean, come on. My appetite finally came back (and seemed to increase--I'm hungry alllll the time), and I spent a week in NYC on vacation, where, I must say, I indulged in all the necessary vacation foods! I have no remorse for vacation treats!

It is good to know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be as far as pregnancy weight gain goes, but it is VERY hard to hear that a lot of it happened within a month. Especially since "WATCH YOUR WEIGHT" has been drilled into my brain since my early years of ballet training. Years and years of that mantra can do a number on a girl's self-image, teenager or adult.

So. I shall now get back to the daily(ish) exercise routine...and maybe cut out a FEW bowls of chocolate frozen yogurt during the week.

Maybe.

;)

Women. Can't Live With 'Em...

While minding my own business at work the other day, I was rudely attacked by a fellow teacher. Mind you, this attack was of the verbal kind, but still...no fun. The assault went down like this:

-Approached me all smiley and huggy and acting like we're friends.

-Baited me (still smiling, of course) with the topic that's been stewing in her mind for weeks, unknown to anyone else.

-When I don't answer with what she exactly wanted to hear (an apology for something I didn't do/didn't know about), she lowers her eyebrows and brings on the scowl.

-Rips into me for a laundry list of things that are not my fault nor have anything to do directly with me.

-Leaves me feeling baffled...but only for a few moments until I regain my witty composure and quick repartee. ;)

-By allowing her to talk herself into a hole, she now looks ridiculously catty.

-I walk away. The next day, feeling that she's overstepped, she brings me a cheesy gift for my unborn baby to 'make amends' for her bad attitude. With a curt smile, she turns on her heel and walks away, feeling unburdened once again.

While not very specific (on purpose...never know who reads this thing!), this gives you a glimpse of what was waiting for me when I arrived at work at 7:15am one morning last week. I had no idea this woman was privately upset, and it aggravated me that she tried to draw me in to her anger by PRETENDING to be very happy, huggy and hospitable, as if we were the best of friends. That, my friends, is what we women can do. Manipulate the situation, create sting attacks, dump blame on others with the curve of an eyebrow, and then attempt to walk away unloaded and carefree.

GAG!

I know that I am not exempt from this behavior when I look back through my past, and I just can't quite grasp why we as women have to be so randomly catty? As I get older, I realize that now I'd much rather hash out a problem face to face, honestly sharing what's got us down. I've never been afraid of healthy confrontation and conversation, even if it might be a little awkward at the moment. I guess I just don't like being set up like that. It completely unnerves me, confuses me and then leaves me loaded with guilt that I shouldn't be shouldering.

Yes yes, I know, random post with little detail. Just needed to vent, I guess.

I think that women have such unique qualities and attributes that can make people feel welcome, appreciated, noticed and loved. Women are special and so amazing, just as God made us to be. But I think we can all turn on that other switch...the one that makes other women feel hurt and confused. We all know we can do it, and I'm sure we all wish that we didn't, myself included.

I sure wish she hadn't done it to me the other day. It was tooooo early in the morning for that!

Soooooo...I treated myself to a large (decaf) chocolate and caramel mocha afterwards.

Because, if there's another thing women are uniquely good at, it is the use of chocolate to heal all wounds...! ;)

Looking Back.

June 2009:

--Anniversary trip with the husband to Dallas. Hit up IKEA, Medieval Times restaurant, saw The Wizard of Oz, and stayed in a marvelous hotel (thank you, Priceline.com). Little did we know this trip would be the start of another trip of a totally different kind....

--Took a weekend trip to Arkansas with a friend, all the while feeling a little odd. Little extra tired, little queasy, little bit....off. While I knew being pregnant was a possibility at this point (since I knew we were "trying"), it was a little too early to know for sure. I kept quiet about my wonderings, and it was a special time of prayer and hope and excitement.

July 2009:

--We took the pregnancy test on July 2nd early in the morning. We were both very tired, very anxious, and very ready to know. I had always thought I would take the test by myself, plan some super-cutesy way of telling my husband, a la Jesse and Becky on "Full House" with the meal of baby corn, baby back ribs, etc. Nope. We did it together. In our pajamas. With sleep still in our eyes. After waiting for the longest two minutes of our lives, we realized our lives would never be the same.

--Over the July 4th weekend, my mom and sister came up for a visit. Russell and I had JUST found out our amazing news, but we had decided early on to keep this a secret for a few weeks for a few reasons: we wanted this time to treasure our little secret together. We wanted to see our baby on the ultrasound before letting anyone else into our little secret. We wanted this time to share secret glances across a crowd when someone mentioned babies, and we wanted time to pray, talk, plan and accept the life changes coming our way. Those few weeks were precious. While keeping the secret was so very hard to do (especially with my mom and sister!), I wouldn't have done it any other way.

--During this time of secret-keeping, we were forced to tell little 'white lies' to family and friends to keep them off our trail. Some of these fibs included pretending to have a blast riding around the lake in a boat while feeling like puking the entire time, coming up with reasons for me to bow out of early morning activities when the nausea was at its peak, making it seem as though it was all Russell's idea to repaint all the cabinetry in the house when, in reality, I was so exhausted and queasy that I could hardly pick up a brush! So many little fibs....! ;)

--The first ultrasound appointment. Oh my. We were so very nervous. My body was telling me I was pregnant for sure, but there is something so reassuring about actually having your doctor give you the same 'diagnosis.' I was sweating so much during that appointment, not knowing what in the world I was doing, not knowing what to expect. I put so much pressure on myself to keep it together that I didn't cry. I was just shocked that there was actually a little blip on the screen. A little heartbeat. A FAST little heartbeat! Russell and I held hands as the doctor showed us a picture of what our lives had made. Together.

August 2009:

--It was finally time to begin telling family and friends our good news that we'd kept a secret for quite a few weeks. We were about to BUST at the seams with excitement! We told our parents and siblings by showing them the ultrasound photo during casual conversation, which produced quite the effect! (My mom thought we were tricking her at first, and Russell's mom buried her face in her hands for what seems like ages before shrieking with excitement! So funny!) I told some of my girlfriends by going out to lunch before a showing of "Wicked," and while one of them blessed our food, I laid out the ultrasound across the table. Funny thing was, when they opened their eyes, it took a minute for them to figure out which one of us was the preggo this time around! We told our coworkers and, of course, our Internet pals later in the month. It was unbelievably fun to send out the mass texts and emails, publish the blog posts we'd been editing and re-editing privately for weeks, change status updates, make phone calls, all with the purpose of sharing our news! FINALLY!!!

--School started back up, and I wasn't quite done with the morning sickness. Never in my life have I been more happy to have 1st hour planning period. Let's just say not a lot of 'planning' got done in those early morning hours the first few weeks! I would sit in my empty classroom, the walls spinning, praying that I could make it through one more day with this new crop of students. I got through it, and, luckily, never tossed my cookies in front of them. ;)

September 2009:

--My belly started to pooch at about 12 weeks, and I was into maternity pants by 16. WOW. What a change! I have always been very careful to watch my weight (13 years in ballet will drill that into your brain...!), so I decided to do the same during pregnancy. With the occasional chocolate treat. Or two. Or three...on a hard day, of course. ;)

--Due to my mom's loss of a baby due to spina bifida, I was sent to see a specialist to determine my risk factor for the same loss. It was such a scary appointment to go through. It was basically just a higher frequency ultrasound during which the specialist could try to determine whether or not our baby was at higher risk for this condition. We were so nervous and worried, but we had already come to the conclusion months before even trying to get pregnant that we would love and protect our babies no matter what. When the specialist determined we were at no higher risk point than anyone else for a baby with spina bifida, I must say we were relieved to spare our child from this hardship. However, I felt a strange peace throughout the whole process knowing that my Father would take care of me no matter what just like we were committed to this child no matter what. A humbling lesson, I assure you. (We also got a surprise sneak peak at baby with the 4-D ultrasound--so cool!)

--My fingernails and hair began growing at a supernatural pace, and, I gotta say, I didn't mind! Other physical changes: burping like a man, decrease of nausea, increase of energy yet a new appreciation for after school naps, the husband letting me know my belly was "firm not flabby" (thanks, babe), and the Bella Band came into play...which led to maternity pants. Gotta love 'em.

October 2009:

--One of the sweetest feelings in the world: feeling my baby move around inside of me. It took a few days to distinguish these movements from random gas bubbles, but I finally realized what was going on. Our baby was rolling around in there, and, while it felt a bit like an alien invasion in my innards, it was the most amazing experience in my life to date. Wow.

--It's a GIRL!!! While I had no inklings either way, we were so excited to find out we'd be having a little baby girl. Russell was a bit of a (manly) mess in the ultrasound room when the nurse showed him "daddy's little girl," and we were once again full of news to share. We hosted a party for some friends to reveal (with the help of pink icing-filled cupcakes!) our news after calling our families.

--My mom, sister and I went to New York for the fourth time, and, when I met them in the airport, I revealed our big news with a pink shirt! We were so excited to add another girl to our girl's trip to the Big Apple.

--Russell felt our little girl moving around a few days after I returned from New York. He laid with his hand on my belly for soooo long after I'd already felt her kick once just moments before. He waited and waited and waited, holding his breath and being so very still....when finally there was a little 'bump' under his palm. What a special moment to watch Russell as Dad feeling his baby girl move. So sweet.

Can't wait to see what the rest of 2009 brings....