30 Weeks-A Letter.

Dear Emery,

Look, you have a name finally! Your dad and I have been set on the first name Emery for quite some time, but we just could NOT settle on a middle name. Part of us wanted your name to 'mean' something or have some familial reference, but nothing seemed to click. It seemed like we were pushing too hard, so when the middle name Mae hit us, it stuck! Means nothing, no one in the family shares your name, but we LOVE it...thus, it 'means' something to us! We loved the more modern first name paired with the old fashioned middle name. Such a sweet sound. Emery Mae. We love it.

We revealed your name to your grandparents and aunts and uncle with a little picture frame during Christmas celebrations this year, and they loved hearing your name.

We have been having so much fun with this pregnancy and all the cute little things we can do to make it that much more special. Seeing, saying and hearing your name makes things VERY real, little Emery, and that is exciting.

Your dad has been working so very hard on your nursery, and it is beautiful. Seriously, he has done all of the work while I just rock away in your glider, staring at your room, crying because I can't believe you'll soon live here.

Your dad is amazing, and, while I might be the 'idea woman' behind all the projects, he is the one that actually makes things happen. We love him.

Your Grammy (my mom) has also been working on the sweet little bedding set for your room. She has put her sewing skills to work for you, and it is turning out quite lovely. A little sneak peak...

In Mommy news, this body of mine is going through quite the change in order to house you, little girl. In the past month or so, my wedding rings became too tight, prompting Dad to take me to Target and 'propose' with a temporary wedding band. It was pretty funny.

(26 weeks)

My belly is getting out there more and more, and I have popped off two buttons from my clothes so far. You are growing in there, that's for sure! My feet are swelling a bit, and I think I've entered the third trimester not-sleeping-very-well phase, probably due to the multiple potty runs required each night.

(27 weeks)

I am voraciously thirsty at all times, although my crazy appetite has returned to normal...probably because there's not much room in there these days for anything extra! It is getting interesting to try and shave my legs or paint my toenails, so we might let Dad take over those duties soon. That should be fun...! ;)

(28 weeks)

Also, we failed the one-hour glucose test, but we passed the three-hour version--hooray! You were sure dancing around in my belly after I drank that sugary drink, and it made the whole thing kind of fun to watch you jump and flip in there.

(29 weeks)

Your Dad and I feel you twirl and pirouette in there more and more, and you took his breath away the first time he actually saw my entire belly quake and quiver. He is constantly amazed by you, and at any given time of the day, his hand will be resting on my belly, just waiting for you to greet him. Also, when we sing to you each night the song that my Mom used to sing to me, you roll around and give a few good kicks to let us know you are listening. I think you love to hear your Daddy's voice the most, because you ALWAYS starting movin' when he talks or sings to you.

(30 weeks)

All in all, your Mommy is quite impressed at what her body can manage, and it is all worth it to see your sweet face soon.

This past month, your Dad and I went on a short trip to Branson for a Christmasy getaway as just the two of us.

The purpose of the trip was one last hurrah before you arrive, but it ended up that all we could think or talk about was YOU! We debated names, bought you a few sweet little outfits, and we found ourselves saying over and over, "Wouldn't she love this next year? Won't it be so fun to see her look at this or do that or hear this someday?" The trip was supposed to be about the two of us, but it confirmed that we are the 'three of us' even now.

One of the fun things we did recently was to go and register for your upcoming baby showers!

It was not as scary as we'd thought, and we tried very hard to think of what you would need and want once you arrive...but that is a hard task to do when we've never met! ;) We tried our best, Baby Girl!

Your Dad so enjoyed getting to use the scanner gun, while I (your overly-organized Mommy) enjoyed making lists and crossing things off of them!

Finally, this Christmas was one to remember.

Not only did we get to finally reveal your name to our family and friends, we had a very white Christmas! There was a blizzard that moved into our area, and this kept us tucked away at home, just you, me and Dad. We snuggled by the fire, worked on your nursery, played games, watched movies and dreamed about you. And made a few preggo snow angels for fun. ;)

This year, we found that we could have cared less about receiving lots and lots of gifts. All we really want, we already have. We have each other and we have you, our best blessing of all. We can't wait to see what Christmas will be like with you next year, our little Emery Mae.

I love you, sweet Emery,

Mommy

MERRY CHRISTMAS
from our home to yours!

And the angel said unto them, Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all the people:for there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
Luke 2: 10-11

If He Could See Me Now.

The last time I saw my dad was on Christmas Eve last year. My family had gathered for the usual Christmas Eve celebration at my aunt's home, and we had a pretty low key gathering. My dad was down and a bit sad as usual, especially during the holidays. We talked together about my job, plans for the upcoming year, and we joked around in the usual fashion. At one point, he pulled me aside from the group with tears in his eyes, just wanting me to know how proud he was of me and that he loved me. No reason for the declaration. Just wanted me to know.

The family had dinner, we opened a few gifts, and then my dad left early, alone, complaining of a stomachache. We all knew he was just ready to get the holiday over with; holidays reminded him of being alone, of mistakes he'd made, of what could have been. My dad had struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, and that Christmas Eve was no different.

He gave me a hug and waved as he walked out into the cold to get in his car and drive home.

And that's the last time I saw him. The last time he saw me.

Although my dad made many mistakes and struggled to be the kind of father he had the potential to be, I am finding myself missing him this year. I won't romanticize who he was or what he chose to do with his life, but I am allowing myself to remember the good. To miss the good. His wit and humor, our corny inside jokes, memories from childhood where he was caring and loving and showed that I mattered to him, an eventual mutual understanding that we were choosing to live two very different lives but that we still loved each other. I am missing those things, and it is comforting to think on those things somehow. He tried. He failed a lot of the time due to poor choices. But he tried. And I am finding myself wishing to see him. Wishing he could see me.

And if he could see me now, he'd see that his eldest child is going to be okay. Daily striving for peace. Working toward acceptance and resolution. Understanding that not all can be understood.

If he could see me now, he'd see a woman trying her best to live for Christ, a concept he never understood. But he saw it in me, and I knew it. I know it. He'd see that my Lord's peace that passes all human understanding is the only lifeline at times, and he'd see how hard I've fallen against my heavenly Father's comforting shoulder. Harder than ever before.

If he could see me now, he'd see that his daughter is becoming a mother, day by day. Growing a symbol of hope and faith inside her belly. Learning a new kind of love. Learning to celebrate life. Learning that hope springs forth at just the right timing.

If my dad could see me now, he would be proud of the child, the woman, the wife, the sister, the friend, and the mother that I am and that I am daily trying to become. And I can rest on that. No matter the past, I will choose to strive for life and life more abundant.

This Christmas is a strange and difficult one for me. But I can feel my God stretching me to grow and learn and overcome. And I will.

If my father could see me now, he'd see my Father holding me up and pushing me forward. And that's right where I should be this Christmas.

Sometimes They'll Surprise You.

Those students. They never cease to surprise me with their random glimpses of maturity and thoughtfulness. Juuuuust when I start to think that they've lost their minds due to the holidays, semester exams, Christmas break, etc., they go and do something sweet to totally redeem themselves.

Note Exhibit A:


To the average onlooker, this appears to be quite the random pile of, well, randomness...but to me...it made me cry. Look closely, and I'll tell you why.

See that adorable diaper cake? Some of my girls made that for me (and Baby) and brought it to class today to present to me. It was so sweet! Tons of little diapers, toys, socks, onesies, pacifiers and spoons, all topped off with a pink rubber ducky.

I know that many people receive these at their baby showers, but it was such a special gesture to come from my students. The fact that they thought outside themselves and spent so much time to make this for me spoke volumes. (Made me cry, but of course I didn't let them see that. Can't ruin my street cred, you know.) ;)

Also mixed in this pile of randomness are a new pillow and a six-pack of Dr. Pepper. Why, you ask, would they give me such a strange pairing as a gift? Please refer back to the post on laying under my desk at school chugging a DP while counting baby kicks. The card said something like, "Just in case you get more orders from the doctor, this will make you more comfortable." HA!!! SO funny. Oh kids. So funny. ;)
Another student found a hard-back version of Sherlock Holmes at a flea market and snagged it for me, while a few others brought in various baked goods packaged up in holiday tins. Very sweet.

There are also some red and green Christmas letters mixed in that pile. Each year I have the kids choose four teachers or staff members at the school to whom they will write a letter of gratitude and thankfulness. I urge them to think of specific instances that made an impact on them, whether it was the teacher helping them out on an assignment, making the class fun and exciting, etc. I always urge them to NOT write any of their letters to me as I'd rather pass on the Christmas cheer to my colleagues (teaching can be a semi-thankless job at times), but they always end up writing an extra letter to me anyway. I have kept every single letter I've ever received from the students, because it is a way to remind myself why I do what I do. The letters are more priceless than the gifts any day. I'll keep them forever.

I know these things are small and not crazy expensive. But it is so much more about the GESTURE behind them, especially coming from the minds and hearts of these high school students who have so much else going on. The fact that they took time to think of something sweet or funny for their English teacher and then actually go out and get it AND remember to actually BRING it to school means so much.

Sometimes they truly do surprise me.

:)

And, as some have reminded me, I've fallen behind on the belly pics, so here are a few I've missed. It's gettin' out there, people!! And don't be deceived by the heels...they are an increasingly rare phenomenon, I can assure you. The ol' cankles aren't having much of that these days. (Wonder how long it will take my husband to see that I used his 'favorite' word--cankles! Ha!):

(27 weeks)

(28 weeks)

PS-THANK YOU so much for all of the registering advice you sent my way via the blog, Facebook or email. I appreciate the help so much! It is so nice to have such helpful bloggy friends. Thank you for taking the time to explain your items, and I definitely took some notes! :)

A Cry For Help. Seriously. Help Me.

It is about that time to start the registering process, and I could use some tips. You see, I have already scoped out the usual stores at which one registers, and, while they are not too overwhelming due to my prior research, the fact still remains that I have no idea what I'm doing here. For example, I have never a.) had a baby, b.) registered for a baby, c.) looked back and wished I could have done anything differently for a baby.

SO. New moms, moms with more than one kiddo, ANYONE...please share with me any of the following:

1. Items you could not live without, big or small.

2. Items you could totally have lived without, big or small.

3. Any items you think would be helpful to us.

(Some hints: we already have the crib, dresser, glider, and travel system from our families. Also, I'm going to give it my best shot in the breast feeding department. Now to tackle all the smaller stuff--HELP!)

If you have the time to send over ANY items, lists, tips, tricks, recommendations or helpful hints, PLEASE help!

(LOOK! This is me ASKING for advice! I'm growing and blossoming!)

;)

Help.

Old Time's Sake.

As corny as the phrase may be, we sure enjoyed our 'babymoon' to Branson, MO this past weekend. The husband and I had been itching to take one last trip together before Baby comes in a mere three months, yet we did not want to break the bank. Our goal was to keep the trip local enough that flights weren't needed, but we did want to get away from our area for awhile. Branson it was! A friend suggested going to Branson (specifically to Silver Dollar City) if we were in the Christmas mood....and boy, was she right!!! I don't know how it could get any more festive than 4 million twinkly lights, hot chocolate, apple dumplin's, Christmas carols sung on a train, a Christmas parade, a showing of "A Christmas Carol" (which was actually VERY good!), and decorations around every corner. That place really goes all out for the holiday, and it was so very quaint, charming and relaxing. It was an old time Christmas trip to celebrate old times...just the two of us.

A few pictures from our Christmas adventure:

One of the shows playing inside of Silver Dollar City was "A Christmas Carol," and it was surprisingly well-done, complete with special effects, amazing singing and many laughs. I may or may not have cried when Tiny Tim began to sing and hobble around the stage.

My handsome man. All bundled up. Did I mention it was about 35 degrees outside!?!

Giant Christmas tree! This thing was all lit up and moving to the music once night fell. Really neat to watch. (Yes, his eyes are closed in this one. Still handsome though...!)

I love him.

Husband's favorite stop: the glass blowers. Our trip souvenir was going to be one of the beautiful glass ornaments from their shop. Then, we saw the saddest little basket of "Oopsie's"...they were ornaments that just happened to be a little misshapen after the blowing process. I may or may not have teared up thinking that no one would buy one of these Charlie Brown Christmas tree-esque ornaments, so we grabbed one of those instead. (Blame it on the hormones, people. I can't make it stop.) ;)

So many lights!

Our favorite food finds: the skillet dinner and the apple dumplin's...WOW.

It was so beautiful once the sun went down. All of the millions of lights made it feel like walking through a movie. I thought this trip might turn out to be a little corny, but who cares. It was so sweet and festive and beautiful. A little corny never hurt anybody. Not even me. ;)

(On another note, please be aware that shortly after this picture was taken, a button popped off of my non-maternity coat I had squeezed into all weekend. Twas the button right on top of my belly. A little depressing. But funny, nonetheless.) ;)

Before heading home the next day, we stopped in at Branson Landing to do a little Christmas shopping. (Note how the coat is now stylishly gaping in the front, sans button.) The Landing is a really neat outdoor shopping mall with good restaurants, a nice view of the lake and fun shopping.

The Landing also boasts a pretty impressive fountain show set to music. We were expecting Christmas tunes due to the time of year, however, we were treated to a jazzy rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. You know. Because it's so festive. ;)

All in all, it was a wonderful trip to take as just the two of us...before we become the three of us.

And yet...all we seemed to talk and dream about was one day bringing our little girl back to see all of the Christmas lights, teaching her about Christmas, and what we would be like as a family a year from this moment.

I guess you could say that we are 'the three of us' already.